War Story: A wild night outside Miami

Editor’s Note: from time to time we’ll catch one of Jim Cavanaugh’s “War Stories” shared on social media. His tales from days serving in law enforcement are too good to miss, and he has agreed to allow us to share them with Brownwood News readers.

Written by Jim Cavanaugh – Long ago our entire office was at the wedding of one of the agent’s daughters. It was one heck of a party after the ceremony and most were totally blotto.

Then the Miami office calls… seems two men who had escaped from the Fort Bend County jail in Texas and had gone on a crime spree around the country were in our territory. They were armed to the teeth.

A bunch of us sat around the wedding reception trying to figure out what was our plan of action. Most of the agents were too drunk to actually make the arrest right then, so we came upon a plan.

I was the sober one, since I didn’t drink. I called Miami and found that the two idiots were in a strip club getting as drunk as we were. One of the “ladies” had been trying to call us at home (in the days before cell phones) without success, so she called our Miami office. As soon as the Miami agent told me the name, the plan formed. She was a hooker I knew and she had helped capture several fugitives over the years.

I called her and “suggested” she get a “friend” and they entice the idiots to a local hotel. Since the statute of limitations has long since expired, I can admit that I told her that we might be able to pay them to keep the fools engaged until we could get to the hotel in a sober condition. The gal suggested we bring the big guns because these idiots were armed and bragging about shooting some cops in Georgia on their way through Florida.

We began pouring coffee down the throats of all the agents that could handle it and I drove to the hotel to find out what room the gals had rented. I rented the room directly above them. Once in the room, I set up the radio so I could communicate with the other agents and the SWAT team that was heading our way. I called out the units and assigned positions to cover all the escape paths.

Another agent joined me in the room and we put a spike-mic through the A/C duct so we could listen to the ladies doing their best at entertaining. Without getting too graphic here, let’s just say they did a good job keeping the idiots occupied.

Being far away from Miami, our radio talk did not exactly follow proper protocol and we kept the outside agent apprised on the situation. Out of the blue came a strange voice on our radio — not one of us. The person asked if we needed any more assistance in the arrest as he and his bodyguards would be happy to come and help.

I yelled into the microphone, “Who the [expletive] is this?” The reply made me sick.

“This is Attorney General William Saxbe and me and my bodyguards have weapons and would love to come assist.”

I asked where they were and he said they were on the other side of the same hotel. By now I’m thinking may career is about to be over, but the AG laughed and said “Me and my boys are playing poker while we listen to what’s going on… it’s been very entertaining and I thank you. Stop by after you’re done for some coffee.”

At sunrise one of the guys came out of his room wearing a pair of shorts with a gun in his waistband. Two agents jumped out of the room adjacent to the bad guys and grabbed him while the SWAT team rushed inside to arrest the second bad guy. He was lying on his back on the bed while the other hooker rode him. With all the commotion, he reached for his gun on the nightstand, but couldn’t make it because the gal was “weighing” him down. Both were arrested without a shot. The girls were handcuffed for show and later released.

After it was all said and done, about six of us went over to the AG’s suite and recounted the entire story as we drank coffee… Great night.