I have learned in the past 24 hours that I do not portray the level of bravery that I thought I did in front of Kiera. I understand that it’s not entirely a bad thing. I don’t want her to think I am never scared of anything. I want her to know that it is okay to be scared from time to time.
Let me just explain. This afternoon, we all came home at a decent time. I started putting the dishes in the sink and as I turned I saw a bug in the floor. I promptly yelled for Aaron.
Kiera made it into the kitchen first. “What’s wrong?” she asked as she slid into the kitchen.
I took a breath and calmly pointed out the bug on the floor. “Daddy!” She yelled. “There’s a bug!”
Aaron, our bug killer, came to the rescue. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed something to… squish it with. Blech. Now, let me explain something else. For some reason, when I was pregnant with Kiera, if someone ever stepped on a bug, I instantly threw up. The sound, the visual… any part of that caused an instantaneous unpleasant reaction for me. Actually, it caused an unpleasant reaction for both of us, since he had to help clean everything. I have a good husband.But, for some reason, that has stuck with me for the last five years. So, when Aaron went to squish the bug, my hands automatically covered my ears. Kiera took charge. I’m almost ashamed to admit that. She gently touched my leg to get my attention. I heard through my muffled ears, “Mommy, come with me. I will take you so you can hide.”
I dropped my hands and took her outstretched hand as she led me from the kitchen to my bedroom. “It’s ok, Mommy.” She patted the edge of my bed. “You can sit here. It will be ok. Daddy is going to get rid of it.” She continued to assure me. “There will always be bugs, but Daddy can kill them.”
Aaron called the all clear from the kitchen. As we re-entered the room, he gave me a sarcastic smile and muttered where only I could hear him, “You do realize that your 4-year-old just comforted you?” I managed to work up an appropriate glare before resuming washing the dishes.
The same thing happened less than 24 hours earlier. Sunday, we took a short break from our Volunteer Coordinator positions and took Kiera to the carnival. As Aaron drove us the short distance down to the carnival, I realized that I was going to have to go on the rides with Kiera. I knew without a doubt that she planned to go on the Ferris wheel.
I don’t do heights. I can climb a six-foot ladder with no problem. But, if you want me to go a bazillion feet in the air on a semi enclosed little box, I’m just not ok. As we got closer to all the spinning rides, without thinking, I said a prayer out loud. From the front seat of the gator, I hear Kiera laugh loudly and smack her Dad to get his attention. “Did you hear Mommy? She is praying about the rides!” She told him through her laughter.
I decided I needed to suck it up. I proceeded to give myself a silent pep talk. She rode a couple of rides by herself and then dragged me to the dreaded Ferris wheel. I thought I had composed myself extremely well until we were boarding the ride.
Kiera climbed in through the little door on our passenger car on the Ferris wheel. As I begin to climb in after her, the man that was holding the door open for us stepped closer to Kiera so I could climb in. I sat down by Kiera just as she smiled at the man and said, “My Mommy is scared.”
I thought I had done well by hiding it, obviously not. I wrapped my arm around her and grabbed the pole in the center with my other hand. I pasted a smile on my face that probably looked like a grimace as the wheel began its’ rotation. She looked out and searched the area to see if she could see Aaron while I recited the Lord’s Prayer in my head.
After the third rotation, I started breathing again and actually looked out and around us. We never did see Aaron from our vantage point but that’s ok. I had managed to calm myself down and I don’t think I could have handled her excitement if she had found him and pointed him out while we swung a bazillion feet in the air.
Thankfully, we found the ground again and Kiera rode a few more rides before we called Aaron to pick us up.
We stayed so busy this weekend with the Feels Like Home Celebration, but it was amazing! I love working at the Celebration. I think I mentioned that in my last column. It’s a lot of work and just like I predicted last week, we are exhausted. But you know what? I would do it again.
This weekend brought the same level of chaos and craziness that it always does. It can’t be helped. When you put on an event of that size, you have to expect chaos and craziness. Now, I know I often brag on my little girl, but I have to brag a little more.
We were out on the grounds helping set up on Thursday afternoon. From Friday morning until Sunday night, we were out there over 12 to 15 hours a day. Kiera hung out and worked with us 95% of that time. We had made provisions for her Pop and Gigi to pick her up if she got too tired but she never wanted to leave.
She never cried because she was tired. She didn’t complain. She just kept helping. Often, she would jump out of the gator to go give hugs to one of the committee members or share her kettle corn. At one point, as we dropped a volunteer off to guard a barricade, she explained to him where the volunteer house was, where he could find water and had handed him a bottle of water before I had started to form the words.
Saturday, my mom took her to the RV and tried to get her to take a nap since we knew it was going to be such a long day. She never went to sleep. I finally went in to try and get her to close her eyes and she said, “I don’t want to take a nap. I want to go work.” I gave up, put her shoes on her and called Aaron to come pick us up.
Sunday, we made sure and took her to do some fun things since we had been so busy on Friday and Saturday. We took her and let her make a sand monster, she rode some of the rides at the carnival and then one of our friends took her to Children’s World where she played and was part of the Backyard Circus. She had such a good weekend, but when we asked her what her favorite part of the weekend was out of all of the different choices, her response was, “eating a sour sandwich.”
After further inquiry, we learned she did not like the sandwich but she loved the time that we had eating with our Reunion family and friends on Sunday night after a long weekend of work. During the meal, she ran around laughing, hugging and putting ice down the backs of people’s shirts. Out of everything that we had done that weekend, that was her favorite time.
That brings tears to my eyes. Partially because I am over tired but also because my little girl realized the most important part of the weekend. She realized that the best part of the weekend was being with our friends and people that we call family. I may have a fear of heights and bugs, in fact, I may be afraid of a lot of things. What I don’t have to be afraid of is this, Kiera understands the value of hard work, the importance of good relationships and the blessings of having an extended family.
