I think I have mentioned this before, but for those of you that might have missed this particular gold nugget of information, I am going to mention it again… I tend to have a problem with clumsiness. Sometimes, it’s not even about clumsiness. It’s one of those ‘if it’s going to happen to someone, it’s going to happen to me’ kind of things.
I don’t really remember having this much of a problem when I was younger. I am going to have to question my parents and see if I was born this way or if I just grew into it. The earliest I remember this phase was around fifth or sixth grade. I remember I broke a bone in my foot, broke my wrist and had to get vaccinated against rabies. Not all at the same time, but it was all fairly close to each other.
Since that time, I have jumped off a boat into the water and landed on a boat motor with my hip, fallen down stairs while I was pregnant with Kiera, broken a toe, missed a step and fallen on my kneecap, missed a step and slid on concrete on both knees. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.
One of my favorite klutz memories is when I fell in the bathtub. Kiera was only a few months old. Aaron would have to leave to go to work before me at that time. I would wheel Kiera’s bassinet into our bathroom while I showered each morning. One morning as I was finishing my shower, I had this brilliant idea to swish my feet around to get all the soap out of the tub. It was brilliant until my feet went out from under me and I landed on the side of the tub with my forearm.Now, this particular tub had the rails for the sliding glass doors. I managed to land on those… hard. I honestly thought I broke my arm. I was immediately sick and my arm looked like I had grown a second elbow. I called my mother-in-law who lived next door to come over and help with Kiera.
After getting ready, my father-in-law took me to meet up with Aaron who took me to the emergency room for x-rays. Thankfully, I did not break it, just caused major swelling and angry muscles. It had to be wrapped for several days and I was given pain medicine. Once they gave me a shot for pain, we were sent on our way. Now, let me just add that my tolerance to medicine is slightly low.
We had to go by Willie’s T’s so I could take care of one small thing before going home. I don’t even remember what I had to take care of. I do remember Aaron having to help me walk down the hall and me rambling on and on in Diana’s office like a drunk person. I also will never forget Will’s face as I walked by his office. He had a half smile on his face and was shaking his head at me. He had that, ‘I’m-amazed-at-you’ look. Not to be confused with the, ‘I’m-amazed-with-you-and-you’re-getting-a-raise’ look. More like the ‘I’m-making-a-mental-note-to-keep-Rowonna-away-from-ladders’ look.
Five years later, he still gives me that look and I still can’t use the ladder.
I’m telling you all this so you can better understand my moment on Monday night. It wasn’t so much of a clumsy moment as just one of those things that happens to me moment.
We had gone over to my in-laws for dinner. As we were cooking dinner, I mentioned to my father-in-law that Kiera’s school collected the Coke rewards out of the Coke boxes.
“There are a couple of Coke boxes that I just threw in the trash outside, if you want them.” He said as he unloaded the dishwasher.
Now, it was just one of those fifty-gallon trash cans. I didn’t climb in the dumpster in search of Coke rewards. I’m only so ambitious.
I pulled the lid back and noticed two Coke boxes on the top. I made quick work of tearing the code out and sliding them in my pocket. As I moved the boxes, I noticed another Coke box buried partly under a trash bag. It didn’t appear to have anything on it other than a tied trash bag. It looked easy enough to pull out. Looks can be deceiving.
I grabbed the edge of the box and pulled… and saw a massive gray cloud of ash explode in my face. In the brief .002 seconds before it hit my face, I managed to close my eyes and hold my breath. I opened my eyes in time to see gray ash float down on to my black t-shirt and black tennis shoes.
When I say that the ashes hit my face, I don’t mean that I was lightly dusted with ash. Picture someone walking up to you and hitting you square in the face with a pie. That is how the ash hit me.
I just stood there for a brief moment stunned. Finally, I tried to brush myself off only to make matters worse since my hands were also covered in ash. I walked back to the house and opened the kitchen door where everyone was congregated. I can only imagine how I looked. I’m thinking I might have looked like an old-fashioned chimney sweep.
My father-in-law was the first to see me. He proceeded to laugh and tried to apologize for the ashes at the same time. Once everyone finished laughing, we went outside and blew all the ashes off me and out of my hair with an air hose.
I am pleased to announce that I was not injured in this episode of It Only Happens To Rowonna.
Here’s hoping that Kiera does not inherit this part of me but I guess we will find out around the fifth or sixth grade.
Rowonna McNeely is a graphic artist for Willie’s T’s Screenprint & Embroidery. She is a mother of a four year old girl and step mother of two adult girls. Her crazy life includes a dog, Sloane and psychotic cat, Gracie. Both females. She is married to her prince, who is outnumbered by the opposite gender.
