“Hey John” Advice: Dear Crabby Offers Bad Advice, John Steps Up to the Plate

NOTE: I swear I don’t thumb through my newspaper looking for something to complain about. I read “Ann Landers” and her twin sister “Dear Abby” since I was a kid, and kinda liked them. At the tender age of 24, I began my work as therapist because other than bowling and ping pong, it was something I was good at. Now, celebrating my 40th year as a counselor, I feel like I have some degree of expertise in helping others. Although I try to be on point, I know there have been times when I have been mediocre.

However, mediocre is a million miles better than sucking in a giant way. Jeannie Phillips is the 75 year old daughter of deceased “Abby.” Why she has her photo when she was 42 years old posted I’ll never know. Still, a hundred year old pic is still way more understandable than her latest piece of advice. I do not wish to bore my readers with doggin’ this gal, but this screwed up advice is just screaming for a rebuttal.

To paraphrase: Dear Crabby, I am suffering from post partum depression. I do everything for my kids, and my husband is making feel like I don’t do enough. I’m already out the door “before he even drags himself out of bed”. Then he makes me feel guilty about a number of things. “If I weren’t here, he’d have no clue as to what to do. How do I fix this situation”? 

[Signed, Exhausted] 

Crabigail suggests seeing a doctor so he can help her explain the problem to Mr. Lazybutt. But she concludes with this big bomb (rephrased, but still pretty accurate):  “if he doesn’t step up, you could blow your brains out and he could indeed be left with the sole responsibility of taking care of the kids”. That’s how you “fix this situation”? Yow! The exact quote is available on my public Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/JohnSommerCounseling/ just in case you need some kind of bizarro proof. Anyway, let’s help this rich ‘ol gal with a therapist’s take on the request for help.

Dear Exhausted,

You have self-diagnosed yourself with possible postpartum depression. Thus, I assume you have a recent addition to your family. From your description, it sounds like you are worn down to the bone, AND are suffering from a struggling marriage. In the event your self-diagnoses is correct, getting a medical opinion from a physician (a competent shrink would be better yet) who deals with depression would be wise. Additionally, you need some guidance from a professional who can perhaps be of assistance with your struggling marriage. If your unmotivated husband refuses to participate, you need some individual assistance. At worst, it’s an hour break with a good conversation with another adult. At best, you can get introduced to some stress/anxiety relief strategies, as well as some hopefully personal growth ideas. You have a lot of responsibility, and Mr. Lazybutt is making it harder yet. I hope that your husband shakes off his seemingly selfish behavior, and jumps to the rescue of his family. There is truly some relief to be had, but sometimes we need to be introduced to some new ideas. If it’s a solo venture, it’s time to ask qualified people for ideas and inspiration in order to help you and your children. In transcending your burdens, we not only gain personal relief, but we provide our children a cool role model of how to solve problems. As you learn, so will they.