“Hey John” Advice Column: Volume 8

Hey John,

I am a Vet suffering from PTSD. I am living close to a multi million (billion?) dollar business that detonates explosives every so often as part of their business. Every time they set off a charge, I am in agony. I mean, nobody around here likes it, but my suffering is far greater than my neighbors. I have written the company, the mayor and other people that I thought would help, but they don’t even write me back. I am at a loss as to what to do. Any ideas? – Suffering Vet

Dear Sufferer,

I realize it is usually not so easy to do this, but I think we can sum up the answer in four letters: M-O-V-E.

Center for Life Resources offers a Military Veteran Peer Network with services led by a veteran with combat experience who can relate to the unique experiences of veterans. For more information regarding Military Veteran Peer Network services, contact Jimmie Murray, MVPN Peer Services Coordinator at 1-870-329-4485 or e-mail at Jimmie.Murray@cflr.us

Hey John,

I don’t write a lot, so I will make it short. I am unhappy because LIFE SUCKS. Will it always suck?

Dear Suckee,

Your question is too short to figure out what the issues are, so I’ll have to guess. Dead broke, no job, fights all the time at home, car trouble (or no car), living with your parents, her parents or with friends? If you are totally dependent on others for your survival, life usually does suck. Many people I know blame everyone else for their woes, thus lessening the burden of personal responsibility for their own lives. I try not to base all my counseling advise on the million songs rattling around in my head, but sometimes I can’t help it. I refer you to George Thoroughgood (of “Bad To The Bone” fame):

♫ Get a haircut and get a real job

Clean your act up and don’t be a slob

Get it together like your big brother Bob

Get a haircut and get a real job ♪

In other words, make a reasonable plan to improve your life and begin. A positive, and hopefully not overwhelming plan may involve: finding a job, getting affordable housing, get transportation, including a bicycle, don’t smoke or drink up your moola, be a loyal and loving mate and work consistently at improving yourself would help to de-suckify your existence. Or do nothing and you’ll always have lots to complain about.

Hey John,

I have three children. My husband and I both work. We used to have meals together, but now we usually eat separately. I keep the refrigerator and freezer full of food, so there’s always stuff to eat, but now all the kids eat in their rooms watching TV. I’m feeling guilty about our life style, as that was not how my family used to eat. What is your take on this? – Feeling A Little Sad

Dear Little Sad,

First of all, your signature says a lot. Obviously you are not happy with the arrangement. The “new” family is busier than in years past with both parents working, the kids in extra activities, etc. Or, because the kids are so dang picky, and you and your husband like tasty normal food, it is easier to have them eat their nasty little chicken nuggets first, and later the parents have their meal. So, are the 21st century family eating habits born of necessity or convenience? A long hard look might reveal convenience trumps necessity. There are a few things that eating together adds to our lives. How on earth will children learn proper manners if they have neither a role model or instruction? Some conversation at the table is way better than only learning to watch TV while jamming food down our gullet. And the kids can remember what their parents actually look like. With all the stuff we all do, kids and adults alike, we spend less and less time with each other.

However, realistically, there are plenty of times eating together is impossible. Kids after school sports activities really screw things up. So does having to work late. If that is your reality, then plan on “supper nights” that everyone is expected to be in attendance. More than once a week is good. Additionally, some solo eating guidelines may be in order, such as:

•  You may read while you eat, but all meals are to be consumed at the supper table. No more TV while you are eating.
• To insure some degree of nutrition, we now have a notebook on the counter. Everyone, including the adults need to log in what they ate for their meal.
• We also will have a shopping list for you to add things you would like to eat.
• [Add your ideas]

Hey Feeling A Little Sad, you will blink your eyes, and the kids have moved out. You better get busy making some loving changes, as you are running out of time. Plus, you can sing the Crosby, Stills and Nash song: ♫Teach…. your children well…..♪

Bon appétit!