“Hey John” Advice Column: Spouse’s Facebook Phubbing

Hey John,

We have been married eight years. We both have cell phones, but my wife likes hers more than I like mine. She used to use hers for phone calls and texting, but in the last few years she does Facebook all the time. I have complained to her that she doesn’t spend much time with me, but she is Facebooking all the time. She accuses me of being insecure. The last time we went out to eat she was on her phone almost the whole time. When I complained to her, she said for me to look around, because everybody was on their phone. She was right. So, should I stop complaining and just learn to live with it? – Lonely In Austin

Dear Mr. Lonesome,

One of the problems with the smart phone infatuation is that people enjoy it. Whether it’s texting, web browsing or Facebooking, it’s fun for most people to do. So the real question is: because we enjoy doing it, should we do it anywhere or anytime we want to? Manners, my Mom used to say, is really just offering a kindness to others. If someone chews their food with their mouth wide open, it is considered rude. Conversely, not showing off partially digested food is an act of kindness to others (manners). Uncorking a big fart in an elevator is pretty dang rude. Well, how about if that person enjoys doing it? Does that make it less rude? The same principle applies to cell phones. Just because you like to do something doesn’t give you the right to do it any time or any place. If I was going out on a date with someone, and they hardly said a word to me, but stayed on their cellphone, I’d have to be pretty pathetic to go out with her again. How many gooney parents sit with their kids at lunch, and only play on their phones (or vice versa)? Parents need to teach manners to their kids, and lead the way with a proper example. Just because you enjoy something don’t forget: there’s a proper time and a place for everything.

Hey John,

My best friend has a son who has a drug problem. When he was a teenager he drank and smoked pot all the time. Then he started stealing “Martha’s” prescriptions. When he got caught by the police, she told them he was picking them up for her from the house of a friend she had been staying with. It wasn’t true, but she didn’t want to get him in trouble. A few months later he got busted for having Hydrocodone  on him. While he was waiting to go to court, he went into a treatment program. I don’t know if he did this to stop using drugs, or if he was just trying to look good in court. His court date is in a few months, and he just got out of treatment. What are the chances he’ll really straighten up? Do these drug users go to prison? Is there anything I can do to help my friend? – Wanting To Help

Dear Helper,

Hydrocodone is a fairly effective pain reliever. In the past dozen or so years it has become a problem because of the perfect storm of “I wanna get loaded” drug abusers and either unscrupulous or naïve doctors. The people most injured by this bad combination are the many people who use this prescription properly to help with their pain. Now, law makers have made it more difficult to obtain their prescription. This, of course is in lieu of pursuing the criminal doctors who would give out huge quantities of high dosage opiates to make big bucks.

People can work their way up to using almost lethal doses of Hydrocodone in a relatively short period of time. The common combination of Hydrocodone and Acetaminophen in large doses is a genuine problem. Long before the liver is poisoned, the addiction will cause acute withdrawal when it is discontinued. My client record was sucking up between fifty and seventy a day (!) A more common addiction might average twenty a day. That is still a huge dose. This addiction really needs professional detox to get started at getting straight. However, treatment is merely a running start. What you do when you get home is the key. I’d tell “Martha” to remove any prescriptions out of his reach to decrease temptations when he gets back home. Also, encouraging aftercare in NA or counseling is helpful- probably essential. Additionally, she can empower herself by getting educated in a similar manner. Nar-Anon helps the family, as can a well versed therapist or a local Council On Alcoholism and Drug Abuse. While this is a difficult addiction to beat, especially for immature younger people, recovery happens all the time. And really it must because a life of being a prescription junkie is terrible existence: forever.