“Hey John” Advice Column: Sometimes Lousy Self Esteem is Contagious

Hey John,

I have a shaky relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for about two years, and I never know what kind of mood he’s going to be in. He has told me many times that he’s insecure because his previous wife, and later a girlfriend had cheated on him. So, often times when I get home from work, he’ll quiz me about being fifteen minutes late. He’ll say stuff like, “who are you seeing after work?” Last week I dressed normally to go over to a friend’s house. When I got back, he was mad, asking me, “why did you wear a blouse with your boobs hanging out?” It wasn’t a super low-cut blouse or anything, just my normal stuff. Besides, we girls just got together for a couple of glasses of wine, and other than my friend’s husband, no males were around. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells around him. Is there anything I can do to improve this situation?

Walking On Egg Shells

Dear Ms. Eggshell,

Yes. The answer is quite simple. Wear a burka for the complete “well-covered look”. Then you should quit your job, and only go out in his company. You may want to consult with a Saudi Arabian woman for a more complete list of the things you’re not allowed to do.

Why on earth people feel like they can win (or keep) the heart of someone by making them feel like crap is really amazing to me. Remember back in younger dating days? Even when you would look your best, smell your best and be on your best behavior, we were still competing with people more desirable than ourselves. Or at least, that’s the way it seemed. If we were feeling insecure, we would certainly keep it to ourselves. Who would ever want to appear pathetic in front of the girl he was trying to impress?

So the answer may be that a little self esteem counseling and self esteem building activities might be of assistance to him. If he’s feeling insecure, he’ll need to practice keeping his mouth shut, and try to impress you in a proper manner. If he can’t change, you might want to do some self evaluation about why you would stay with a boyfriend who makes you constantly feel so bad. Be cautious my dear; sometimes lousy self esteem is contagious.