“Hey John” Advice Column: Let’s Talk About Sex

Hey John,

I am a high school junior, and my boyfriend of six months is a senior. I really care for him, as he does me. I am trying for my school’s valedictorian next year, but my boyfriend is just passing. He’s not sure if he’s going to try to go to college next year, or join the military. Our problem is sex- or rather lack of sex. Although he doesn’t pressure me to have sex, he says (frequently) that “it’s just a natural progression of our relationship”. He reminds me that a lot of our friends have sex, so it’s really not a big deal. I’m unsure as to what to do. I don’t want to lose him for my boyfriend, but I’m not sure I’m ready to have sex. How do you know what to do?

Sexless Sadie

Dear Sadie,

There are different ways to approach the topic of sex: physically, emotionally, and although not quite as frequent as it used to be, religiously. Although plenty of people go into it without much thought or preparation, you sound like a well thought-out teen. So let’s address the issues as briefly as possible.

Physically: Sex means pregnancy. Should this transpire, next year you walk the stage largely prego while he’s shootin’ craps in the barracks with his army buds. Not a proper way to raise your darling child, eh? Additionally, if the male is less than informed about birth control, then it’s up to the female. Most female birth control messes with your hormones to keep you from getting pregnant (usually). There are some physical changes that may occur. In other words, the girl does all the work, takes almost all the risk while the boy gets the semi-free ride.

Emotionally: Sex, although referred to in some cruder terms, is also referred to as “making love”. You know, it’s not supposed to only be what you do when you’re horny, but how you love each other when you’re in love. Plus, adding sex to a relationship always alters things. Where things had always been fun, carefree and without much worry, sex can add guilt, worry, and fear of being found out to name a few.

Religion/personal morals: This one is dependent upon a person’s upbringing as well as their own personal values. For the teens who dreamt of having a loving marriage with the amazing children that true lovemaking brings, is early sex violating your own moral code? And even if it’s not a moral breach, how many times in your life do you want to give in to demands  that you don’t want to do?

So, when someone says to me two of the points you bring up, specifically, “I don’t want to lose him for my boyfriend” and “I’m not sure I’m ready to have sex”, I’d vote vigorously against it. He doesn’t get laid, so he leaves? Hit the road Jack. Remember my dear, you are in control of your body, and no one else. Take good care of yourself.