“Hey John” Advice Column: Depression and Drug Dependency After Forced Abortion

Hey John,

So here I am again, feeling worse and worse as it gets closer to Sept 5th. In a nutshell, I was married to a monster for 12 years. We lived in a small cabin in Utah, so we were cabin-bound for part of the winter. I endured more physical abuse than your readers want to hear about. The grand finale was the abortion my husband “motivated” me to get. I have become addicted to an older prescribed drug, Phenobarbital. I have had this habit for about the last ten years. I am divorced from monsterman, but every year I become more despondent than ever as I approach what would have been my daughter’s birthday. Am I damned forever to mourn my loss? What can I do?

Utah Annie

Dear Annie,

This is a difficult, multi-layered problem. However, there is a big difference between difficult and impossible. Let’s take this one thing at a time. If there is a drug addiction involved, it is very difficult to make progress on other essential issues until it is dealt with. Phenobarb has been a very useful medication for specific problems, seizure control for one. You don’t state the level of use of this powerful barbiturate, so I will assume the withdrawal may be dangerous. You very likely will need medical assistance for the start of this. I hope for insurance, and if that’s the case, some excellent nationally renowned treatment centers offer much help. Hazelton, Sierra Tucson, Betty Ford, and La Hacienda are a few. Do some internet research. If no insurance is an issue, contact local counselors or Councils On Alcoholism and Drug Abuse for recommendations. Tell them the drug you are using.

Next is the bereavement issue. Although not every woman who has had an abortion grieves, and subsequently suffers from depression, a great many do. This is particularly true when the abortion was pushed on the mother by outside influences. Panicked mothers, “protecting” their pregnant daughters, angry, bullyboy husbands or boyfriends not wanting the responsibility, or even furious mothers, convincing their daughter to abort the child to punish the errant father are all cases therapists have seen. Bereavement counseling with a competent therapist can be of great help. Additionally, there are helping agencies of great value. Project Rachel at hopeafterabortion.com and afterabortion.org are two of many agencies helping women. Their assistance has been rated as invaluable. There is excellent help within reach.

Finally, as a survivor of terrible physical abuse, abortion and drug addiction, you seek to continue to improve your existence. Although the journey is long and difficult, you sound like the type of person who would be up to the task. It reminds me of the anonymous mountain climber who, after scaling Mt. Everest was quoted as excitedly saying: “one down and plenty to go”.