The printed letters are real life issues that people are seeking assistance with. However, once in a while I need to weigh in with the new, and not so improved daughter of “dear Abby”. This is especially true when her views, and supposed help, are potentially damaging (in my opinion, of course). So here we have Round 2 of my providing assistance of someone who never asked me specifically for help. Time to bring up the on-deck batter, ’cause Dear Crabby struck out on this one. – John
Dear Crabby vs. Hey John, Round II
Laaaaaaaaadies and gentlemen: in this corner, weighing in at, apparently featherweight status, Dear Crabbie Junior!!!! In the other corner, weighing in at it’s none of your business, Jooooooooohn Sommer. Let’s lay out the fight details for the second fight of their nonexistent relationship. [see: www.johnsommercounseling.com for their first fight].
A slightly sexed up sixty-something year old guy asked her what to do when his wife was unmotivated to have sex due to some pain issues. He met a woman who had the same issue, sort of, with her husband. She was hinting that an on-the-side sexual relationship would be ok with her. He wondered, “in today’s world”, if it was acceptable. So he asked Crabigail Junior what she thought. In her kinda weak “guidance”, she discouraged the hook up. However, she prefaced her response with, “The problem with an adulterous relationship is that the other person usually finds out”.
Seriously? That’s the problem? You get caught?
So we have two problems here: Dear Crabby’s bizarro advice, and Mr. Wants To Get Laid’s issue of needs vs. principles. Let’s address them in order. If you are married and have been faithful, and you ask advice from someone who says that the problem is not morals, values, or, dare I say it: vows, you’ve picked the wrong advice columnist. Slam dunk: time to look for a new coach for your team. I don’t need the human weathervane that changes direction depending on the wind guiding me, no siree.
Issue two (and most importantly): do we alter or abandon our values based on a new circumstance? Worse yet, do we justify our behaviors based on our perception of what is currently “acceptable” by society? Years ago, my childhood friend told me now that his son was thirteen (and not sexually active), and girls were calling him all the time. He said, “I don’t know what to tell him except always use protection”. My daughter was also thirteen, and I told my friend, “that sure as hell is not what I’m telling my thirteen year old daughter! I promote proper behavior and the development of their own set of morals and values”. He was stunned into silence for a few seconds and then gushed, “Wow! That is so cool! I never thought of that!” *sigh*
So Mr. Wanna Get Laid, here’s my two cents worth. Your wife’s sexually related pain could be indicative of something being medically wrong. Encourage her to go in for a competent check up and exam. If it’s something psychological, seeking out a good therapist that is knowledgeable in this field is tough, but not impossible. Finally, if the sex incompatibility is not solvable, you need to revisit your love and commitment to your loved one. How willing are we to sacrifice for someone we love? You’ve got some work to do in terms of meaningful self-examination. I wish you peace and happiness.
