“Hey John” Advice Column: Bleacher Belcher Dad Embarrasses Point Guard

Hey John,

I’m a teenager from a small town. I am on a few teams at my high school. I like being around my friends probably even more than I like the sport I’m playing. I still like the sports a lot though. The problem is my Dad. He is well known in our town, and he makes me nervous when I play. He gets excited a lot and yells plays we should do, and really yells at the refs. I feel like quitting because he makes me so nervous and really embarrasses me. What should I do? 

Point Guard Patti

Dear Patti Point,

It’s a dilemma all right. If this was a city team, I’d recommend the coach do what I was forced to do with an “overzealous” parent. This father was really a good guy, but he was correcting his softball-playing daughter during both the practice and the game. It was embarrassing her and messin’ with her performance. I got him after a practice and told him I really needed his daughter on my team, but his “bleacher belching” was hurting her performance and that of the team. So I told him I would greatly prefer his attendance, but if he did not have the ability to be quiet, I didn’t want him to attend. He took the request seriously and told me he would think on it. Two nights later he called me at home to tell me he would be just dropping her off, as he didn’t think he could remain positive during the games. I reminded him his daughter would benefit from his improving far more than not attending, but I respected his choice.

In a school setting, coaches are less likely to confer with the offending parent. It’s too bad, because it might help. Some inappropriate parents vicariously live out their little sports fantasies through their children. Some others can’t handle the adrenaline rush from competition and publicly lose their marbles, much to their children’s humiliation. Your Dad may qualify for one of these two “illnesses”. I would first ask the coach if he/she could meet with your Dad. If that option doesn’t exist, you will need to speak to your Dad. Assertiveness is usually not a strong hand with teenagers, so I realize it would be unnerving to do, but he may not understand the level of humiliation he is dealing you. If I was doing something that humiliated my child, I would need to know so I could stop. If that fails, be prepared to retire from sports. The sports experience is supposed to be fun and enriching, not a nightmare for the participants.

Parents want their kids to improve and get better at many things. We should lead the way by our own personal improvements. I want my kids to enjoy their lives and hopefully not be embarrassed that I’m their father. I hope your Dad feels the same way.